Autosomal dominant polycystic kidney disease(ADPKD), an interesting disorder which helpfully kills off a lot of idiots who are more concerned about their golf skills than about the malaria killing millions in Africa. I don’t like such people. But they are everywhere. Unfortunately the above mentioned disease is not.
This wonderful disease causes these idiots to develop some wonderful clear fluid or more deservingly blood tinged fluid filled cysts in both their kidneys. The kidneys look pretty cool on gross examination as it is basically an array of cysts stuck together by bits of actually functional parenchyma. By the way, in case you are too dumb to know what a cyst is or you are an American, go ask your mum. These cyst infested kidneys should be used by physicists to simulate irregular organic prisms. They should try shining a torch through it. Or disco club owners should hang them on the ceilings of their clubs. Hopefully one of these 4kg heavy weights might fall and kill Paris Hilton when she is busy whoring about. Go to the nearest church, become a believer and start praying for this.
Your mum might not know this, so I will tell you the basic pathogenesis. Tubular epithelial cells proliferate crazily while secreting ridiculously enormous amounts of whatever they normally secrete. I don’t know specifically what it is. It was not mentioned in the book. Try asking your grandma. So the cysts grow bigger, bigger, more bigger, still more bigger, and bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, and if you are still reading this, bigger. Or in other words it thinks it is an American.
Since this is a hereditary disease with autosomal dominant pattern, all the kids you are planning to have with Jenna or Shirley are going to get it. There is no escape. You are doomed. Ha ha. Hmmm…that was a silly cheap laugh. I didn’t like it. Basically two genes are involved. One is called PKD1 and which encodes for a protein called Polycystin-1. As you might have already guessed (in case you are a crack baby, sorry…) the second gene is called PKD2 and it encodes for a protein called (again, sorry retarded crack babies) Polycystin-2. Both these proteins have an extramembraneous portion, an intramembraneous portion and a short cytoplasmic tail. I wanted to make those words bigger, that is why i avoided the hyphens in the previous sentence. They seem to regulate calcium ion concentrations in the cell. They are found on the cell membrane (polycystin-1 mainly) and on the endoplasmic reticulum (polycystin-2 mainly). Both the proteins might actually be two parts of a single large complex or they might be lie on top of each other when you depict whatever pathway they regulate in a flowchart. Please note that Americans and crack babies can’t make flowcharts. If they could, they would be living as undercover agents in Germany. And bang your head against the nearest wall and try to recollect the fact that calcium ions are second messengers and they regulate cell proliferation and fluid secretion.
Progressive renal failure ensues and eventually the affected idiot dies. Unless he or she is rich enough to afford dialysis and then subsequently acquire dialysis induced cysts. So if you are above 50 years old and you seem to pass coke in your urine (blood, you retards) , please call Plasmodium ( also known as your lawyer) and start making your will. If your doctor tells you that you have developed cool sounding things called azotemia and uremia, feel free to cheat on your wife. And get that damn Ferrari you have always wanted. This is also the right time to experiment with homosexuality if you have not done it yet.
PS: George W Bush is an idiot, for life.
